That Time My Ovary Grew Something It Shouldn’t, Twice

I felt it jolt me awake and suddenly I knew I couldn’t really move. My stomach was clenched tight from the stabbing sensation, my legs were curled, and I laid there in a fetal position in our bed waking my fiancé up with my groaning. “Do you need a Gas X again or suppository? I told you not to eat all that ice cream,” she mumbled half-asleep like she’s had to every other night for years because I’m a stubborn fat ass. Though it was very possible Chocolate Malted Crunch was to blame, something told me it was something else. And I was right.

Later at the hospital that day, we learned I had ruptured an ovarian cyst on my right ovary. They offered me Morphine for the pain when sending me home, but I refused. Cannabis, both in oil form and through vaporization, alleviated the pain just fine. Thankfully I live in California where getting it is legal. Yeah, I know this information doesn’t really flow with the story but I thought you’d benefit from knowing this.

As expected, a week of slight soreness and lethargy followed but unexpectedly continued for the rest of October and through November of 2014. Over the course of that month and a half, it began to feel like something was growing in me. Bending over felt awkward, as if my basic movements were disrupting something. For a second I thought Melody had turkey bastered me and gotten me pregnant in my sleep. But this time I was wrong.

My right ovary decided to grow another cyst that this time wasn’t rupturing. It was a nice, little six and a half inch watermelon that needed to go. That upcoming January, one of the best surgeons on the planet, Dr. Ilana —> Read More